Thursday, February 28, 2013

Can violence against women really be stopped?


Malala Yousafza
Reeva Steenkamp

Ending Violence Against Women is a heady goal.  The immensity of it might be enough to send each of us scurrying back to the warmth of our cozy homes, turning on the television, and descending into mind-numbing ignorance.  But the world continues to churn and turn and violence against women rages on, unabated.  In the end, we all become its victims. In just the last few months there have been screeching headlines from all over the world demonstrating senseless violence to women.  Malala Yousafza, 14 years old, wants to go to school in Pakistan to get an education, yet grown men, belonging to the Taliban, see her as a threat, and shoot her. Reeva Steenkamp, fashion model and an advocate against violence, is gunned down by her boyfriend just a day or two after tweeting her memorial to Anene Booysen, a 17- year-old South African compatriot, who was brutally gang raped and murdered.  A 23-year-old woman in India boards a bus with a male companion, only to be brutally raped and ultimately murdered by six men.  These occurrences reflect only a small fraction of the brutalities committed against women on a daily basis but can, and should, serve as a tipping point for all of us to get involved in the fight against this type of violence.  Involvement can be as simple as educating oneself about its global occurrences/ causes or by participating in various grassroot movements; each action we do can start unhinging the cultural realities that provide the catalyst for this type of violence.

Anene Booysen
Statistics out of South Africa alone are startling.  Every six hours a South African woman is killed by her male companion, giving South Africa the unenviable distinction of being the murder capital of the world – female homicide occurring at a rate five times the global average.  40% of men there have admitted to striking their wife or girlfriend and one in four have admitted to raping a woman.  Rampant unemployment and poverty combined with a cultural acceptance that men have a right to control women have enabled domestic rape to become a cultural norm.  In South Africa, violence against women cuts across all socioeconomic layers - a woman is just as likely to be raped or killed at the highest economic stratum as she is at the lowest.  Added to the sense of male sexual entitlement, there is ineffectual law enforcement of surprisinglystrict laws against such violence.  The embedded social consciousness has created a wall of silence and a sense of powerlessness among the female victims.

Equally surprising is the lack of social backlash in South Africa after Reeva’s murder versus the rapid response seen in India after the brutal bus attack.  In India, legislation was quick with strengthened penalties for rape and new laws making stalking, acid attacks, and the trafficking of women and children crimes.  The culture of misogyny plus the powerful mystique of an Olympian athlete has clouded the tragedy of Reeva’s senseless murder. 

Even the United States is not inured to the powerful pull of our athletes - we create an illusion around men of steel and promote men who can run fast and throw balls to some godlike level.  When they fall from grace, society often cushions that fall with excuses and with a blinded allegiance to their heroics on the field.  No one knows for sure what the tipping point may be for South Africa, but Reeva’s death may not be enough.  Already the wagons are being circled, excuses are being circulated, and the truth of that tragic death may never be known. 

Ending violence is indeed a lofty goal but not unattainable.  Eldridge Cleaver often cited the slogan, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”  Silence is a powerful enforcer of bad behavior.  Men are often victims of their culture so it is incumbent on both women and men to break the wall of silence, especially as witnessed in South Africa, where social mores are indoctrinated from birth.  Humans are not born violent but, when there is an imbalance of power among the genders, and specific roles are assigned, then violence can be seen as a way to control the less powerful.  Social, economic, political, and health doctrines need to be adjusted to grant equality for all the citizens in all cultures across the globe.

~ Shirley Silberman

Friday, February 22, 2013

Anita Artis, Social Work Student

http://www.styleweekly.com/richmond/word-and-image/Content?oid=1829578
A beautiful article about one of the attendants at One Billion Rising.  I will be happy to publish writing about your experience if you'd like to send it to me at Susan.Singer@hotmail.com.  This is YOUR forum.
Susan

Word & Image 

Anita Artis, 49, Social Work Student

"From the time I can remember to my early teens, I was sexually abused. … I remember going to school and learning about sex — when they teach you about the birds and bees, and they show you the little videos — and it just dawned on me, that what was happening to me at night wasn't supposed to be happening to me. "I told my mom about it. And there were no resources and no information at that time. It was just like, "Be quiet, don't talk about it, it will go away, you'll grow out of it" — which you'll absolutely not.
"I've got quite a history with this. I also went back to school. Working with trauma survivors and abuse survivors, especially adult survivors of sexual abuse, is kind of a passion of mine. I'm not young. I've been around a long time. I'm a childhood survivor too. Later in my life, I had something else happen that taught me it doesn't go away after childhood.
"It happened to me, it happened to everybody. I will tell you, out of every single one of my friends, I can hardly meet one who hasn't had something like this happen in her life. Almost every woman I've met and some men.
"[The One Billion Rising rally] is a resource, and it's attention to the problem in a big way. It gets it out of the dark. … You can shine a light toward a solution, toward help, toward people to talk to, that you're not alone, that there are answers. … And if you can help, it's like the best revenge you can get, helping someone else gain victory over the problem that has held them … that's empowering. It's a solution.
"Legislation, all that's fine, but the survivor has to live with it. The victim has to live with it, no matter what anybody else does or doesn't do. And we're ultimately the ones that have to live with it, so I love that we're ultimately the ones coming together to find a way to fight it and to find answers for it."

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

With Great Compassion, for those who hurt others

This poem was written by Susan Singer in anticipation of One Billion Rising RVA.  It is addressed to those who are so hurt they take it out on others. 

With great compassion...



At One Billion Rising
A swell of noise rushes to greet the women as they arrive,
Excited, nervous, full of anticipation,
Ready to rise, to say No!, to say Yes!
Violence vs Victory and Empowerment.

One Billion Women – it’s an impossibly big number -
Will we truly gather One Billion Women Valentine’s Day
                to take a stand?
                to say to everyone else around them –
The violence can not go on.
You may not rape my sister.
You may no longer beat my mother.
The words you’re using are harsh and cruel and
must be softened.  I know you hurt too.

You – put down your gun.  You don’t mean to shoot.
You, too, just want to be loved.
I’m sorry you were forced to go to war.
I’m sorry you hurt.
Come into my arms.
My heart, this heart of womankind,
It can contain your hurt and sorrow and, yes, even your fears.

I love you.

I ache for you.

But I will no longer take your expressions of
                hurt and anger and pain.
They must stop.
You must allow yourself to break open
                as you have broken us open
Allow yourself to weep the tears of the ages
                War and strife
                jealousy, rage
                competition
                the demand that you be in charge,
                that you dominate and know what’s right –
Let it all go.  It is no longer necessary.
We are here to soothe you.  To rock you.
To hear your pain and cradle your aching head.
The anger can cry itself to sleep.  You’re safe.
One Billion People are here to say no to your hurting yourself - or us - any longer.
The pain will end,
NOW.
Come into the garden and be made whole.

~ Susan Singer
    Feb 8, 2013

Sunday, February 17, 2013

more on Reeva Steenkamp's death - and something YOU can do

I receive a weekly action alert from Miss Representation, the folks who made a wonderful documentary about ways in which the media misrepresents women.  They have a lot of excellent information about what's happening around the world and terrific ideas about how to make a difference.  I've copied their more recent letter here so you can get a sense of it, and because it's all about Reeva Steenkamp, whom Shirley wrote about in the previous blog post.  I love letters like this because they not only make me aware of issues, they also give me very specific actions I can take to make a difference.  I hope that YOU will decide to do something THIS WEEK to help end violence against women.  Perhaps you'll decide to write your paper as it says below.  If you live in the Richmond, VA, area, here's the info for writing the Editor of the Richmond Times-Dispatch:
Editorial/Opinion:
Letters from Times-Dispatch readers, intended for publication may be sent by fax (804-819-1216), mail (Editor of the Editorial Pages, Box 85333, Richmond, VA 23293), or e-mail letters@timesdispatch.com.
actionalert
Dear Susan,
Yesterday we joined the One Billion Rising global day of action to call for an end to violence against women and girls. From Afghanistan to the United States, it was a truly inspiring 24 hours of women and men worldwide expressing unbridled hope for a better tomorrow - for all of us.
Yet yesterday also brought the sad news that Reeva Steenkamp, a South African model who campaigned against violence against women herself, was tragically murdered, allegedly by her boyfriend Oscar Pistorius - the celebrated Olympic runner. The subsequent media coverage has been appalling, with many media outlets plastering images of Steenkamp modeling underwear next to headlines about her murder - using her as a sexualized object to attract readers, even after death. Furthermore, publications as prestigious as The New York Times have decided to focus on the "adrenaline-fueled" life of Pistorius and the loss of a sports hero, rather than the woman whose life was truly taken.

Unfortunately, our work to shift the way society addresses violence against women is far from over. In the United States this week, the Senate passed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), and did so with the support of every single woman present - a bipartisan group of Republicans and Democrats. It may not be a surprise that all 22 votes against VAWA came from Republican men. This is the second time in less than a year that the Senate has passed VAWA, but there is growing concern that the House of Representatives will once again block its passage as they did in late 2012. If you live in the United States, you can use your citizen's voice to contact your local representative and demand respect for women today.  (Susan's note:  if your representative is Eric Cantor, he asks that you note which issue you're addressing - he doesn't even have a category for Women's issues - I pointed this out to him and ask that he remedy that since he'll be getting a LOT of letters from us women in the near future.  I think we should begin to flood Cantor's mailbox with requests that he pass VAWA.)

In addition to government policy, the media has such a huge influence on how our society at large views violence against women, and as long as the media continues to demean and degrade women as they've done in covering the murder of Reeva Steenkamp, we will continue to suffer as a global community.

This week's action is: Email or write the editor of your local paper to bring awareness to the coverage of Reeva Steenkamp's death. It can be something as simple as:
"Dear Editor,
I'm writing you to express concern over how the media has covered the death of South African Reeva Steenkamp. She has been sexually objectified and her loss of life has been trivialized. I ask that you please avoid sexualizing her in this publication, avoid glorifying the man who stands accused of her murder, and be more acutely aware of how you report violence against women generally – an issue that impacts at least 1 billion women worldwide every year."
Which image do YOU think it more appropriate to post when a woman has been murdered?  Which one do you think will get the most attention at the newstand? 

If just 5% of us on this email list send this letter to our local editors, that's over 4,000 messages asking for change delivered to those holding media power worldwide. Make sure to CC us (editorial@missrepresentation.org) when you send these letters so we can track our impact! 

Together let's take this small step to change the way women are treated around the world. Let's take yesterday's positive energy and continue to rise! 

Onwards,The MissRepresentation.org Team

Friday, February 15, 2013

View from the Dragon's Head at OBR RVA by Shirley Silberman



View from the Dragon’s Head RAOBR


Manning the booth for the Chinese Dragon was inspiring and surprising.  Surprising from the aspect of, not only the willingness, but also of the actual determination, of so many people to grab a heart and boldly, defiantly, write raw words emanating from their inner souls.  Those words on hearts spilling across the dragon’s body renounced the dark forces that once kept these authors captive.  These words bespoke spirit, redemption, reclamation; they proclaimed the victory of survival, not the lament of a victim.  These words, stark and bare, in varying fonts and scripts, created an identity of their very own, giving strength to the weak, courage to the meek, and protection to the vulnerable.

The booth was never empty; always four or five people thick; people anxious to make a public declaration of inner strength, of compassion, of hope for their selves and/or for their fellow humans.  It gave wonder to this mysterious force that made this exhibit so profound that people felt compelled to publicly, yet anonymously, publish often wrenching testimony of the power of triumph over traumatic events.  Equally pleasing were the numbers of people reading others’ words who left feeling empowered and enlightened.

So how powerful are words?  Words can disrupt the terrible cycle of abuse.  Words of comfort and support can turn muddled feelings into clear thoughts and can turn a victim into a survivor.  A survivor is less apt to continue the cycle of abuse, as often victims become the very perpetrators they despise.  Words are the first baby steps in the process of recovery and reclamation.  Action can be seen in events like OBR; participating and paying it forward.  


This week, not unlike any other, another voice of advocacy against violence was silenced.  Reeva Sheenkamp, a supermodel in South Africa, posted an Instagram, stating, “I woke up in a happy safe home this morning. Not everyone did. Speak out against the rape of individuals in SA. RIP Anene Booysen. #rape #crime #sayNO”.  She tweeted on Tuesday, advocating women to wear black on Friday as a symbol of support against rape and abuse of women.  Ironically these statements were her last as she died of domestic violence Wednesday night, purportedly by her Olympic boyfriend, Oscar Pistorius, nicknamed “Blade Runner”.  Reeva was supposed to talk to South African high school students on Valentine’s Day with a message of love.  Valentine’s Day “doesn't have to only be between lovers, but by telling a friend that you care, or even an old person that they are still appreciated," she planned to share.
 
Words give us affirmation.  Live those words on a daily basis.  Actions set examples.  The more people mimic positive behavior, the more the cycle gets disrupted.  We can’t let the deaths of the Reeva in this world have no meaning.  As Gandhi once wrote, “"We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do."

by Shirley Silberman

The purpose of this blog - I'd love to hear your stories

After the amazing experience at One Billion Rising RVA yesterday, I am wanting to keep the energy building to end violence against women.  I have decided to start this blog so people - you! - can share the stories of your life: your hopes, your fears, your experiences, your successes, your disappointments, your triumphs, things you've noticed in society which deserve comment - whatever is on your heart that you would like to share.

Here are some of the types of things people have shared with me which I'd love to include on this blog:
  • Stories from the rally yesterday - something you saw, someone you met, something you heard, something that moved you.
  • Stories from your life - your own experiences with violence, be it sexual abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse or whatever
  • Stories of your triumphs over tragedy
  • Insights into ways society perpetuates the cycles of abuse
  • Suggestions as to how we can help make a difference on an individual, societal, or community-wide basis
  • Something you or someone you know has done to help make a difference
  • So many more!
I decided to create this blog to give anyone who would like it a chance to tell her/his story.  

Guidelines:
  • The story must be supportive of ending violence against women and others. 
  •  If the tone doesn't fit the intention of this site, your story will not be published.
  • To submit a post, please email your story to me, Susan Singer, at Susan.Singer@hotmail.com.  I will review it and contact you to let you know if it will be published.
  • If there are grammatical issues, I may edit it a bit (I'm a former teacher, so I just can't help myself!).  
  • If there's something that's unclear, I may ask you to clarify and/or re-write a bit. 
  • This is YOUR forum to tell YOUR story.  You may publish using your name or you may remain anonymous.
  • Please be aware of whether something you're sharing is safe for you to share.  It is your responsibility to know what's right for you to share.  Change names or identifying characteristics, or publish anonymously if you need to.  Be gentle with yourself in your sharing - it can often be very difficult to share painful memories with others and to allow ourselves to remember them.  Please, above all, be gentle and loving towards yourself.
I look forward to reading your stories and to sharing them with others.  Thank you for opening yourself up to others and breaking through the shame so that we all may heal.

~ Susan Singer
    2/15/2013