Quotes from the Dragon at OBR

WORDS FROM THE DRAGON

The following are the actual words written on various colored hearts and placed as scales on the dragon’s body at One Billion Rising, February 14, 2013.  As seen below, there was an overwhelming response; not just from the women but a few young men added words of their own.

 The dragon’s message imparted the following: “Light and dark. We dance in the light; crouch in the dark.  As kids we often dread the darkness of night, inventing monsters who could eviscerate our happiness with their powerful dark forces.  As adults we no longer have to imagine monsters – they’ve slunk into our lives via traumatic events.  Sometimes we keep those monsters alive by feeding them our guilt and shame. They can lurk in our shadows, keeping us from truly dancing in the light.  These monsters can drag on our psyche; drag on, drag on, drag on, until one day we finally decide we can conquer that dragon!  The dragon here today represents all that keeps us from achieving our full potential.  Feed the dragon our heart of words; purge the guilt and shame and make your dragon lovable. “

e.e. cummings probably said it best, 

“To be nobody but yourself  in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”

Your words, unedited:

ILY potato

Doubt Fear

 

I am stronger than food.  I will be healthy

Loving Myself!

I claim my power and my peace

20 years later – the journey was long

For T.C. – healing & light

Release the 21/2 demons!

RESPECT

My journey speaks for my life

Self confidence every day

I am a strong, vibrant character.  I have survived experiences and live to adventure further.

Soulful longing

That I alone control my destiny and have the power to do anything!

For My Daughter

Dancing, laughing, loving

To give more and take less and with each gift like a ripple in the ocean that rings out to all shores

I am strong; I am beautiful; I am a survivor!

You are who you are.  Accept others completely

I have one gift to share. Only by the will of God I have become a survivor.

Freedom from Fear!

Out of Darkness and Into the light I will shine bright

For every time pink was used against me. (written on a pink heart) I’m not just a survivor, I’m a champion.

I’m no longer your victim. I am a SURVIVOR.

You are strong.  Maybe your voice heard!  Stand up for yourself. You are worthy.

Nobody can take away your dreams.

I will never misuse or abuse a woman.  Every one deserves equal love and respect.

NO MORE NOT NOW

For believing in myself

Joy

I own my part in staying in an abusive relationship. Now I am free!

NO!

I claim our rights for true freedom, safety, and total well-being.  Blessings

Anything is possible

So my grandkids see equality

Inaction is not an option.  DO SOMETHING!!

Be yourself; your wonderful self.

Why can’t we communicate in a better and healthy way?

Women are strong! We can do anything! We can and will survive!  Always smile no matter what you’ve been through!

To see around the bend – step forward to live.

I am not a victim; I am experienced

I’m a princess and you can’t tell me what to do!

PEACE starts at HOME

Learn to love even though it’s hard

To define ourselves by who we ARE, what is in our hearts, NOT the size or shape of our bodies!

I claim the wisdom and power of my heart to overcome the voice of subjugation

Stand up for yourself!

Stop worrying about things I can’t control

Being impatient is not always a bad thing

I am strong and beautiful no matter how I feel!

Let go of hesitating to speak out for others and myself

Don’t be afraid to stand up for what’s right.  It’s never too late!

I will not allow others to shape how I feel about myself

To make time for myself, because self care is the beginning of healing

 

My love and my daughters sustain me and inspire me and keep me curious

You and your words no longer define me!

I love me; their my parts, NOT YOURS!

Julie and Robin will stop stalking!

Your abuse does not make you a victim! It makes you a true survivor!

I will love my body and accept every imperfection.  I am perfectly imperfect.

Let’s love not hate. More loving relationships, not hurting relationships

I own that I spoke up when I saw signs of abuse in my friend’s relationship

For my grandmother, my mother, my sister and myself

Do not sink below, rise above those who bring you down

For my beautiful sister who is still fighting to find her voice and confidence

I WILL ALLOW MYSELF THE POWER TO CONTROL ME

Investing in myself is just as important!

Reticence

If everyone in this world shared what they had, no one would want for a thing; World Peace

I will strive to relax and be OK with what is…

I am worthy of love, respect, acceptance, equality.  I am open and accepting of this now and always

I will only be touched with kindness and respect

Thank you 4 standing up; love u

Peace and love to all!

Forgive and Love

For every girl & woman, young & old, it is my hope that you live with confidence, hope, faith, & courage.  Stand up for yourself & what you believe & we will see a world with less violence

Patience

I am not my past.  I am not the abuse.  Only I will possess myself

I HAVE MY VOICE

Health, healing, love, & community. Now and forever

I want to let go of my anger and start making myself happy.  I love myself and deserve to be happy

Leave our bodies the fuck alone!

When it comes to my relationship in marriage I deserve to be treated with respect, loyalty, loving and kind.

I hold the love I have for my sisters!

I slay the dragon of self -hate, low self -esteem and resentments.  I claim my love.

My heart is open! May the mother of all bless her children today!

I regain my strength, my determination, my power, my control.

I am a strong passionate powerful woman.  You may have taken so much from me but you did NOT take that!  You will never take that.

I am so so so so so so very afraid I will not be able to protect my daughter from the violations and rape I experienced

You set a horrible example for your son and stepchildren.  We know better now.

I am someone important and beloved the by the most High God

Equality for all! Peace, Joy, Love

For Sasha – Sunshine and Love

I wish I could have stayed in Philly with my family!

I am here today to thank my MOM! Although she was a victim of domestic violence she made sure I wouldn’t be!  I love you Mom!  Thanks you!

I choose sunlight.  I choose joy.  I choose to live a life of strength, hope, and peace.  I choose myself.  I choose to be me.  I choose life.

Because I am a woman.  And this is MY BODY. Not yours. One Billion Rising!

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace.

Love does not mean complacency or giving up or giving in.  Enough is enough.

Let go of pain and embrace joy

Anger over things I can’t control

My opinions and beliefs are a part of me, but that doesn’t mean I’m always right.

Embrace who you are, not what others want you to be.

Stop society from thinking women can be abused!  #!!*!!

Today I claim the right to love happy, whole, unabused, and with postive self image!

You did nothing to deserve it!  It was wrong and unfair. I’m glad you got away.

Patience and power to speak

No more!! Your abuse will not define who I am.  My path in recovery will bring me to fruition.

Less Judgement! Share & learn and care

Release fear to gain weight and grow

Empowerment to accept my body’s changing self.  Growing heart & love

Courage. Heal. Love

XO STRENGTH

Don’t fear God, Do not fear Death.  What is good is easy to get.  What is terrible is easy to endure.

Remember it’s okay to feel how you feel. You’re allowed to have emotions

Slaying the insecurity of providing love

I, Charmaine, was molested by my uncle and brother. Raped by my cousin. But, I survive to help others.

I love my family.  Women’s right is important and love, baby. Hope people come. To show right?

My voice is important, and I am the only one who can express it in the world.

Never forget where you come from and the sacrifices your loved ones had to make to give you the opportunity of tomorrow.

Move toward kindness each day.

You hurt me, so screw you.  I have survived, I never needed you to begin with.

Despite the pain and darkness, the light of dawn will always shine come morning!

My freedom to be me despite my story!  Love me!

Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.

For those who don’t realize there is a war  to be fought.

For my friends, for myself, for my mother, for my aunts, and grandma.

Empower our daughters.  Improve future generation of women.

My family are some of the worst sexual offenders I have come across – I didn’t know that wasn’t what cousins did, that was how I was treated.. I’m so sorry. I want to stop the cycles.

I’m no longer a victim.  I am a survivor!

 

This information was compiled by Shirley Silberman, creator of the Dragon

Can violence against women really be stopped?

Malala Yousafza

Reeva Steenkamp

Ending Violence Against Women is a heady goal.  The immensity of it might be enough to send each of us scurrying back to the warmth of our cozy homes, turning on the television, and descending into mind-numbing ignorance.  But the world continues to churn and turn and violence against women rages on, unabated.  In the end, we all become its victims. In just the last few months there have been screeching headlines from all over the world demonstrating senseless violence to women.  Malala Yousafza, 14 years old, wants to go to school in Pakistan to get an education, yet grown men, belonging to the Taliban, see her as a threat, and shoot her. Reeva Steenkamp, fashion model and an advocate against violence, is gunned down by her boyfriend just a day or two after tweeting her memorial to Anene Booysen, a 17- year-old South African compatriot, who was brutally gang raped and murdered.  A 23-year-old woman in India boards a bus with a male companion, only to be brutally raped and ultimately murdered by six men.  These occurrences reflect only a small fraction of the brutalities committed against women on a daily basis but can, and should, serve as a tipping point for all of us to get involved in the fight against this type of violence.  Involvement can be as simple as educating oneself about its global occurrences/ causes or by participating in various grassroot movements; each action we do can start unhinging the cultural realities that provide the catalyst for this type of violence.

Anene Booysen

Statistics out of South Africa alone are startling.  Every six hours a South African woman is killed by her male companion, giving South Africa the unenviable distinction of being the murder capital of the world – female homicide occurring at a rate five times the global average.  40% of men there have admitted to striking their wife or girlfriend and one in four have admitted to raping a woman.  Rampant unemployment and poverty combined with a cultural acceptance that men have a right to control women have enabled domestic rape to become a cultural norm.  In South Africa, violence against women cuts across all socioeconomic layers - a woman is just as likely to be raped or killed at the highest economic stratum as she is at the lowest.  Added to the sense of male sexual entitlement, there is ineffectual law enforcement of surprisinglystrict laws against such violence.  The embedded social consciousness has created a wall of silence and a sense of powerlessness among the female victims.

Equally surprising is the lack of social backlash in South Africa after Reeva’s murder versus the rapid response seen in India after the brutal bus attack.  In India, legislation was quick with strengthened penalties for rape and new laws making stalking, acid attacks, and the trafficking of women and children crimes.  The culture of misogyny plus the powerful mystique of an Olympian athlete has clouded the tragedy of Reeva’s senseless murder. 

Even the United States is not inured to the powerful pull of our athletes - we create an illusion around men of steel and promote men who can run fast and throw balls to some godlike level.  When they fall from grace, society often cushions that fall with excuses and with a blinded allegiance to their heroics on the field.  No one knows for sure what the tipping point may be for South Africa, but Reeva’s death may not be enough.  Already the wagons are being circled, excuses are being circulated, and the truth of that tragic death may never be known. 

Ending violence is indeed a lofty goal but not unattainable.  Eldridge Cleaver often cited the slogan, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”  Silence is a powerful enforcer of bad behavior.  Men are often victims of their culture so it is incumbent on both women and men to break the wall of silence, especially as witnessed in South Africa, where social mores are indoctrinated from birth.  Humans are not born violent but, when there is an imbalance of power among the genders, and specific roles are assigned, then violence can be seen as a way to control the less powerful.  Social, economic, political, and health doctrines need to be adjusted to grant equality for all the citizens in all cultures across the globe.

~ Shirley Silberman

Anita Artis, Social Work Student

http://www.styleweekly.com/richmond/word-and-image/Content?oid=1829578
A beautiful article about one of the attendants at One Billion Rising.  I will be happy to publish writing about your experience if you'd like to send it to me at Susan.Singer@hotmail.com.  This is YOUR forum.
Susan

Word & Image 

Anita Artis, 49, Social Work Student

by Ned Oliver @nedoliver

 

• Ash Daniel
Click to Purchase Image

"From the time I can remember to my early teens, I was sexually abused. … I remember going to school and learning about sex — when they teach you about the birds and bees, and they show you the little videos — and it just dawned on me, that what was happening to me at night wasn't supposed to be happening to me. "I told my mom about it. And there were no resources and no information at that time. It was just like, "Be quiet, don't talk about it, it will go away, you'll grow out of it" — which you'll absolutely not.
"I've got quite a history with this. I also went back to school. Working with trauma survivors and abuse survivors, especially adult survivors of sexual abuse, is kind of a passion of mine. I'm not young. I've been around a long time. I'm a childhood survivor too. Later in my life, I had something else happen that taught me it doesn't go away after childhood.
"It happened to me, it happened to everybody. I will tell you, out of every single one of my friends, I can hardly meet one who hasn't had something like this happen in her life. Almost every woman I've met and some men.
"[The One Billion Rising rally] is a resource, and it's attention to the problem in a big way. It gets it out of the dark. … You can shine a light toward a solution, toward help, toward people to talk to, that you're not alone, that there are answers. … And if you can help, it's like the best revenge you can get, helping someone else gain victory over the problem that has held them … that's empowering. It's a solution.
"Legislation, all that's fine, but the survivor has to live with it. The victim has to live with it, no matter what anybody else does or doesn't do. And we're ultimately the ones that have to live with it, so I love that we're ultimately the ones coming together to find a way to fight it and to find answers for it."

With Great Compassion, for those who hurt others

This poem was written by Susan Singer in anticipation of One Billion Rising RVA.  It is addressed to those who are so hurt they take it out on others. 

With great compassion...

At One Billion Rising

A swell of noise rushes to greet the women as they arrive,

Excited, nervous, full of anticipation,

Ready to rise, to say No!, to say Yes!

Violence vs Victory and Empowerment.

One Billion Women – it’s an impossibly big number -

Will we truly gather One Billion Women Valentine’s Day

                to take a stand?

                to say to everyone else around them –

The violence can not go on.

You may not rape my sister.

You may no longer beat my mother.

The words you’re using are harsh and cruel and

must be softened.  I know you hurt too.

You – put down your gun.  You don’t mean to shoot.

You, too, just want to be loved.

I’m sorry you were forced to go to war.

I’m sorry you hurt.

Come into my arms.

My heart, this heart of womankind,

It can contain your hurt and sorrow and, yes, even your fears.

I love you.

I ache for you.

But I will no longer take your expressions of

                hurt and anger and pain.

They must stop.

You must allow yourself to break open

                as you have broken us open

Allow yourself to weep the tears of the ages

                War and strife

                jealousy, rage

                competition

                the demand that you be in charge,

                that you dominate and know what’s right –

Let it all go.  It is no longer necessary.

We are here to soothe you.  To rock you.

To hear your pain and cradle your aching head.

The anger can cry itself to sleep.  You’re safe.

One Billion People are here to say no to your hurting yourself - or us - any longer.

The pain will end,

NOW.

Come into the garden and be made whole.

~ Susan Singer

    Feb 8, 2013

more on Reeva Steenkamp's death - and something YOU can do

I receive a weekly action alert from Miss Representation, the folks who made a wonderful documentary about ways in which the media misrepresents women.  They have a lot of excellent information about what's happening around the world and terrific ideas about how to make a difference.  I've copied their more recent letter here so you can get a sense of it, and because it's all about Reeva Steenkamp, whom Shirley wrote about in the previous blog post.  I love letters like this because they not only make me aware of issues, they also give me very specific actions I can take to make a difference.  I hope that YOU will decide to do something THIS WEEK to help end violence against women.  Perhaps you'll decide to write your paper as it says below.  If you live in the Richmond, VA, area, here's the info for writing the Editor of the Richmond Times-Dispatch:

Editorial/Opinion:

Letters from Times-Dispatch readers, intended for publication may be sent by fax (804-819-1216), mail (Editor of the Editorial Pages, Box 85333, Richmond, VA 23293), or e-mail letters@timesdispatch.com.

Dear Susan,

Yesterday we joined the One Billion Rising global day of action to call for an end to violence against women and girls. From Afghanistan to the United States, it was a truly inspiring 24 hours of women and men worldwide expressing unbridled hope for a better tomorrow - for all of us.

Yet yesterday also brought the sad news that Reeva Steenkamp, a South African model who campaigned against violence against women herself, was tragically murdered, allegedly by her boyfriend Oscar Pistorius - the celebrated Olympic runner. The subsequent media coverage has been appalling, with many media outlets plastering images of Steenkamp modeling underwear next to headlines about her murder - using her as a sexualized object to attract readers, even after death. Furthermore, publications as prestigious as The New York Times have decided to focus on the "adrenaline-fueled" life of Pistorius and the loss of a sports hero, rather than the woman whose life was truly taken.

Unfortunately, our work to shift the way society addresses violence against women is far from over. In the United States this week, the Senate passed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), and did so with the support of every single woman present - a bipartisan group of Republicans and Democrats. It may not be a surprise that all 22 votes against VAWA came from Republican men. This is the second time in less than a year that the Senate has passed VAWA, but there is growing concern that the House of Representatives will once again block its passage as they did in late 2012. If you live in the United States, you can use your citizen's voice to contact your local representative and demand respect for women today.  (Susan's note:  if your representative is Eric Cantor, he asks that you note which issue you're addressing - he doesn't even have a category for Women's issues - I pointed this out to him and ask that he remedy that since he'll be getting a LOT of letters from us women in the near future.  I think we should begin to flood Cantor's mailbox with requests that he pass VAWA.)

In addition to government policy, the media has such a huge influence on how our society at large views violence against women, and as long as the media continues to demean and degrade women as they've done in covering the murder of Reeva Steenkamp, we will continue to suffer as a global community.

This week's action is: Email or write the editor of your local paper to bring awareness to the coverage of Reeva Steenkamp's death. It can be something as simple as:

"Dear Editor,

I'm writing you to express concern over how the media has covered the death of South African Reeva Steenkamp. She has been sexually objectified and her loss of life has been trivialized. I ask that you please avoid sexualizing her in this publication, avoid glorifying the man who stands accused of her murder, and be more acutely aware of how you report violence against women generally – an issue that impacts at least 1 billion women worldwide every year."

Which image do YOU think it more appropriate to post when a woman has been murdered?  Which one do you think will get the most attention at the newstand? 

If just 5% of us on this email list send this letter to our local editors, that's over 4,000 messages asking for change delivered to those holding media power worldwide. Make sure to CC us (editorial@missrepresentation.org) when you send these letters so we can track our impact! 

Together let's take this small step to change the way women are treated around the world. Let's take yesterday's positive energy and continue to rise! 

Onwards,The MissRepresentation.org Team

View from the Dragon's Head at OBR RVA by Shirley Silberman

View from the Dragon’s Head RAOBR

Manning the booth for the Chinese Dragon was inspiring and surprising.  Surprising from the aspect of, not only the willingness, but also of the actual determination, of so many people to grab a heart and boldly, defiantly, write raw words emanating from their inner souls.  Those words on hearts spilling across the dragon’s body renounced the dark forces that once kept these authors captive.  These words bespoke spirit, redemption, reclamation; they proclaimed the victory of survival, not the lament of a victim.  These words, stark and bare, in varying fonts and scripts, created an identity of their very own, giving strength to the weak, courage to the meek, and protection to the vulnerable.

The booth was never empty; always four or five people thick; people anxious to make a public declaration of inner strength, of compassion, of hope for their selves and/or for their fellow humans.  It gave wonder to this mysterious force that made this exhibit so profound that people felt compelled to publicly, yet anonymously, publish often wrenching testimony of the power of triumph over traumatic events.  Equally pleasing were the numbers of people reading others’ words who left feeling empowered and enlightened.

So how powerful are words?  Words can disrupt the terrible cycle of abuse.  Words of comfort and support can turn muddled feelings into clear thoughts and can turn a victim into a survivor.  A survivor is less apt to continue the cycle of abuse, as often victims become the very perpetrators they despise.  Words are the first baby steps in the process of recovery and reclamation.  Action can be seen in events like OBR; participating and paying it forward.  

This week, not unlike any other, another voice of advocacy against violence was silenced.  Reeva Sheenkamp, a supermodel in South Africa, posted an Instagram, stating, “I woke up in a happy safe home this morning. Not everyone did. Speak out against the rape of individuals in SA. RIP Anene Booysen. #rape #crime #sayNO”.  She tweeted on Tuesday, advocating women to wear black on Friday as a symbol of support against rape and abuse of women.  Ironically these statements were her last as she died of domestic violence Wednesday night, purportedly by her Olympic boyfriend, Oscar Pistorius, nicknamed “Blade Runner”.  Reeva was supposed to talk to South African high school students on Valentine’s Day with a message of love.  Valentine’s Day “doesn't have to only be between lovers, but by telling a friend that you care, or even an old person that they are still appreciated," she planned to share.

 

Words give us affirmation.  Live those words on a daily basis.  Actions set examples.  The more people mimic positive behavior, the more the cycle gets disrupted.  We can’t let the deaths of the Reeva in this world have no meaning.  As Gandhi once wrote, “"We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do."

by Shirley Silberman